As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman who is without discretion.
Proverbs 11:22 (AMP)

I could begin this blog with many things you’ve heard before … Pray before you express interest in a guy, see what your folks think, make sure you have peace…etc. blah, blah, blah. You know the drill … Seek God, work hard, be pure, and He will magically put you together with “The One.”

Although many of these aspects of finding a mate are important, ladies today seem to need more help in the graceful basics and less help in the memorization of the “Spiritual 10 Step Plan.”

I’m going to get Extremely Real with you, so I would suggest stopping now if you can’t handle the truth … On the other hand, if you are tired of being a “Desperate Housewife Wannabe,” Soldier On!

(Please note that the examples and generalities used in this blog do not equate to EVERY man or woman, Christian or otherwise. Exaggeration is used to make a point… and to give some comic relief;).

#1. Don’t Act Desperate … Even if You Are!

It is beyond my comprehension as to how many beautiful, intelligent, God-fearing women I know that seem to think that just because a cute guy is fearless enough to lift his hands during Worship, he must be courageous enough to support, attend to, love and cherish her and a household of children without ever raising his voice above a whisper.

Fact is, a REAL Christian man is only lifting his hands in surrender to Christ because he realizes just how unprepared for life he is. He is more than likely, in no shape to take care of anyone but possibly himself and has no clue how to love a woman other than his Mom (assuming his family life is even worth discussing). His hormones rule his life and he prays constantly that they will make a little room for him to one day have some common sense (sense that unfortunately waits to announce it’s presence in American culture until around age 27).

**Side note: It has been my experience that if you are wanting an immediate increase in the “Maturity Rate” of your future spouse, this may help: Accept your Desperation, Pack a Bag, and Move Overseas;) … I’m mostly kidding …

Saying this, if his heart is even a little after God, he is not looking for a woman to “accidentally” bump into him every chance she gets. He is not wishing the woman of his dreams would take a leap of faith, feel the passion of the Women’s Lib Movement flow through her veins, and come ask for his number.

IF he is a gentleman, he is at least attempting to get his life together before entertaining the idea of coming over to a Daughter of the Most High God to simply ask her name.

Remember This:
A. No one Likes Desperate! … (I mean really… what horrifying picture comes into your mind when I say that?!)
B. Insecure Desperate People, Attract ONLY Other Insecure Desperate People!
C. Men are Hunters, so Let them Hunt! … This brings me to my next point.

#2 Don’t Be “Available,” Let Him Chase!

If you- as a Daughter of The King- have value in your self worth, you should prove it by refusing to jump at the proposal of every Tom, Dick, and Harry that comes your way!

Having a Mystery about you is one of the most attractive qualities a Woman can possess!

Now, (so as not to offend), I know there is a Quaker Lady reading this, getting all freaked out, quoting Proverbs 5, justifying the evil that is the “woman of mystery.”

Yes, I agree, no woman should be mysteriously leading men into her carefully planned spider-trap of sexuality…etc. This is so entirely not my point…

When I say, Women need Mystery, what I mean is that Christian women REQUIRE A SENSE OF GRACE about them; they, in my humble opinion, should be Noble Carriers of Righteousness, knowing when to speak and when to ponder concerns in their heart (Luke 2:19).

Why?

Well, for the aforementioned reasons above … But also because
A. Showing that you know how to hold your tongue from the girly gossip often seen in Church, displays Wisdom.
B. Not revealing ALL of your innermost thoughts and desires reveals Humility with a touch of Sophistication.
C. And being “Hard to Get,” eliminates all the so-called “Christian Guys” who only want a good time and spotlights those who are willing to work for you- Also, giving you some time to see their integrity and character… or lack thereof (1 John 4:1).

All you ever need to know about this is found in Genesis 29, when because of His TRUE love of Rachel, Jacob worked seven years for her hand in marriage … Twice! … Can you say, Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes Lord?!

Don’t be AFRAID to be “unavailable,” the right one will be wise enough to wait for and search out what is really in your heart.

#3 Don’t Care!

Now I do realize that it is the theme of every local church known to man (in this Country) to chant “Marry or Die! Marry or Die!”
However, it is NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD!

Whaaaaaaaat? Did she just say that?!

Yes! And you’re going to be ok, I promise.

But what about “be fruitful and multiply” and all that??

It is true, marriage (between one man and one woman) is a beautiful representation of God and His Church when it is done correctly. If you are 33 and believing for a husband to drop from the sky at any given moment, I say, more power to you! Crazier things have happened …

But please … for all that is holy … HAVE THE RIGHT MOTIVES behind it!

God does not change His character just to fit our desires. He still wants our hearts to be for our One True and First Love (Rev. 2:4). You should know that anything or anyone who comes between you and Your First Love may be conveniently removed from your life (Ex. 34:14). OUR GOD IS JEALOUS FOR OUR LOVE AND DID NOT CREATE MARRIAGE AS A REPLACEMENT FOR IT!!!

So why do you want a spouse?
To be cared for?
To end loneliness?
To be protected?
To find identity?
To have a family?
To experience a new adventure?

Or maybe … is your heart’s prayer more similar to a Kari Jobe’s or a Christine Caine’s?
Hoping for someone to protect and care for you, but deep down desiring to have a PARTNER TO HELP YOU CREATE CHANGE IN THE WORLD FOR CHRIST?!

I challenge you right now to get a piece of paper and write down EVERY reason that comes to mind when I say,
“Why do you want to be Married?”

Let what comes to you, flow. Be honest. And try not to write cookie-cutter answers you think God wants to hear. He can see your heart remember? … Like literally …

Marriage isn’t for everyone, just look at Paul the Apostle (1 Corinth 7:8) … in fact, you can get a whole heck of a lot done for God without a spouse …

But for those who do take the leap- never forget that your FIRST CALLING is to Love and Obey God and to use your skills to Make Him known. Marriage should never change that.

Nothing should.

Once you get to that point, where your heart stops screaming “I’m Desperate for a Husband!” and starts screaming “I’m Desperate for You Lord!” You’ve hit the sweet spot of blessing.

“No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Ps. 84:11b)!

Catch the Wave,
Victoria