When someone is said to be ‘Courting’ and not Dating a person of the opposite sex, it simply means they have chosen to go mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially beyond friendship with the other person. They admire the other person and want a deeper understanding of that person’s personality, values, family, and friendships while maintaining purity and specific boundaries often crossed during traditional Dating Relationships. In Courtship, one must have an aim of marriage; this is not necessarily the case in Dating. To understand Courtship, there should be an understanding of these three stages: the OUTER COURT, INNER COURT, AND THE HOLY OF HOLIES.

The Outer Court is where we make acquaintances and meet people in our zones of influence. Some acquaintances mean more to us than others, but it is a place where every relationship begins.

The Inner Court is a threshold into a deeper relationship. Before a couple crosses the doorway of the Outer Court to enter the Inner Court, many questions have already been asked such as, “do our belief systems and calling line up?” “is there a sense of sincere affection between the two of us not based on just physical qualities?” or “could I see myself married to this person?” In the Inner Court, parents are not just met but sought after as well; ‘deal breakers’ are spotlighted and the couple is either drawn closer together spiritually and emotionally or pulled apart. As a believer, the first step in a courting relationship would be to ask Christ whether or not this person is ‘The One.’

Once there is a sense of approval for the couple to move forward into the Inner Court, Jesus remains the central focus of the relationship…as opposed to Dating, where the superficial may actually run the show. Coming into a Courtship (going from the Outer to the Inner Court) expresses a commitment of sorts, that both parties believe the Lord is bringing this person into his or her life to one day enter the Holy of Holies or Marriage. If this is not the intent of the heart, there needs to be an awareness that the other person is only a brother or sister in Christ and nothing more; if this turns out to be the case, both parties would find it most beneficial to remain in the Outer Court.

The Holy of Holies is the finish line. If a couple makes it from the Outer Court to the Holy of Holies, it means they have heard God tell them this is the person they are to Marry. Marriage is where the one-on-one time can take place; intimacy can now permeate every area (physically, emotionally, spiritually…etc.). This is where the couple becomes One; no chaperoning or accountability is needed in the physical arena and freedom in all areas is gained.

What does a Courtship look like?

In a Courtship, over communication is key. You can never ask too many questions! By asking and answering questions, you begin to learn similarities, differences, and possible conflicts in values you have with the other person. You also learn personality bents that can help you communicate with the other person in a more successful way. Touching is minimized in a Courting relationship, but not non-existent. Holding hands and giving a hug are generally permitted, but Time is NEVER spent alone with the other person. There is nothing the couple needs to discuss or do at this point, that family or trusted friends should not be able to hear or see. It is simply a way to not set the couple up for failure.

Catch the Wave.

~Next week look forward to our Blog ‘Kiss It…Goodbye!’